I know who you are, and many of my friends know who you are, but I’m sure you’ll never read this.
Just a few seconds ago you were sitting behind me. Just last block, you smiled at me. Yesterday, in gym I was late and you ended up looking at me… you were doing pull ups and I had just walked in. Has your heart ever sped up just because somebody’s blue as nothing real locked onto yours? I wouldn’t know, but maybe… Hopefully you have, because I’ve been told my eyes are that way too. When you locked your eyes on mine my heart skipped a beat… then you continued doing pull ups, not looking away. I tried to get myself under control, but I couldn’t. The day before, you’d been running an experiment. I surprised you with how flexible I was. That was the last time we talked, because I was trying to see if I could flex even more than I could have. My face strained, and my eyes closed because of it. I heard a pen start clicking……..slowly……then quicker and quicker. I opened my eyes, and saw you looking at me. I raised my eyebrow, because though I know how to flirt all of my knowledge disappears when your braces shine from within your smile. Your face turned from what I took to be confused to just plain and you moved, closing one of your eyes and ‘killing’ me with your pen. I giggled, and asked “Did you just kill me?” You replied with “Uh… yeah. I think so.” The way you said it… I don’t know if my heart could stand hearing you speak like that again. Other than that, there’s the occasional “How’s your day going” or “Hey.” I want there to be so much more. I don’t know what it is about you. Maybe It’s your blonde hair, or your blue eyes, or the fact that your smile is the most captivating thing I’ve ever seen. Your braces are adorable. Maybe it’s that you actually notice me. Maybe it’s because though you’re popular you’re extremely nice to me. Maybe it’s because you’re funny, or smart, or nice, or sweet… I don’t know what it is, or why I’m drawn to you, all I know is that I am. And I hate it. Because we will never happen. First of all, you have a girlfriend. I would never try to get in her way. Second of all, you’re popular. Yes, I know, I have many friends, but I’m not actually ‘popular,’ I’m just friendly. I’m the person that smiles back at whoever smiles in the hallway. I’m nice, not cool. You are the complete opposite of the kinds of guys I hang out with. But for some reason there are some moments during the day where you pop into my mind. The worst part is, those are the times when I’m feeling lonely. When I’m wanting somebody to cuddle with. Somebody to look at me and smile, even if I’m not looking back at them. I have that, yes, with a very, very special guy friend of mine, but when I feel that way he’s not around. You are always there when it happens. You make me imagine sweet things that turn sour when I realize I’m crazy for imagining them. For imagining you. Imagining that someday, you might take my hand in the hallway. Or someday, I might be able to run up to you smiling and hug you like I do my senior friend. That someday, you’ll be standing, talking to your friends, and I’ll be able to come up behind you and wrap my arms around you. Because of the hight difference I’d be able to rest my head against the middle of your back. Hear your heart beat, feel you breathe. Or someday, I might be feeling lonely and I could call you. You’d pick up and within minutes you’d open your door to me and we’d lay on the couch and watch movies all day. We’d have blankets and popcorn, I’d lay my feet on the couch and my head on your chest, or maybe you’d lay your head in my lap and your feet on the other end of the couch. But it will never happen. My world and your world will never mix. I guess that’s why this is a letter you’ll never read.
Or I guess, to you, Rapunzel.